Mike, Our Hero

"Jersey Shore" has a patron saint and his name is Mike. Displaying some of the strongest, most aggressive guido tactics to date, Mike reached deep inside his heart and gave us all an invaluable gift; he drove in from Staten Island to break up with his girlfriend Jolie at the club. Ever perceptive, Mike immediately informed Jolie of a suspicion: "I don't know why, but I have a really bad feeling about this." And he was absolutely correct. Mike's impending divorce had clearly lead him to think long and hard about his life and his relationship with Jolie, who he hadn't even seen in weeks (time sequence is another issue that begs examination). The passage of time will destroy relationships, and Mike understood this. We are all the beneficiaries of his remarkable intuition and unabashed candor.

Before Jolie packed up her trash bags and headed out of sight of the Italian flag mural, the house was being held back. It was as if Jersey Shore had one too many pieces in its complex puzzle. The sight of Jolie's all-natural torso departing for home was a breath of fresh air, and this opens up significant operating room for the boys' late night hot tub sessions and the 3 remaining girls' attempts to observe cock rings. So, Mike we salute you. In concert with Danny "the Boss" (who has now emerged as a strong yet woefully out of place and potentially combustible secondary character), you have rid the house of perhaps the final remaining barrier to all-out mayhem.