Gym, Tan, Laundry

In 3 simple words, this is what separates Pauly D and the Situation from the rest of the cast to this point. We are closing in on Atlantic City, which should provide ample opportunity for Ronnie's continued emergence and Snookie's quest to find her next "Russ." However, we have reached an interesting juncture in our journey. Perhaps Sammi Sweetheart summarized it best following last week's late-night porch skirmish, when she denounced the Grenade Launcher with that deepest of insults: "You don't even look Italian!" Now that's harsh. And indeed, quite correct. In Seaside Heights, there is absolutely no personality substitute for looking the part. In fact, the entire point is looking the part and owning the shit out of it, as the Grenade Launcher and her uppity crew perhaps finally learned.

Yet there is a substantial portion of the house that seems quite comfortable letting the Guido guard down at numerous junctures in the program. Sammi mopes around the house in her community college gear, J-Woww will slap on a pair of sweats and attempt to resemble something that did not emerge from the deepest recesses of a roadside peepshow, and then there's Vinny. Oh, Vinny. While his family life indicates that he may actually be the house's truest Italian, he lies at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to Sammi Sweetheart's definition of the term. Deriding "Gym, Tan, Laundry" sealed Vinny's fate. This loser gets dominated in the gym, appears as if he has never once seen the sun all summer, and possesses but one tired and feeble dance move. It's a tremendous miracle that he was even able to makeout with Danny's washed-up dinner date. Which brings us back to The Situation and Pauly D. Neither of these 2 specimens has ever appeared on screen with a hair out of place, a bicep uncontracted, or hearts in the wrong place. They are in that house for the right reasons, and Gym, Tan, Laundry is the perfect reflection of that philosophy. The fact that immediately following the most "real" moment of the season, The Situation continued the relentless pursuit of his lifestyle is a testament to his deep understanding of who he is. He and Pauly D share a code, they share a system, and they share a commitment to being everything Sammi desired when she shouted those words and everything the Grenade Launcher wasn't. Let's allow The Situation take it from here: "if everything's put together, and you feel great, you look great...awesome night." Amen, brother.

Vinny's hours

As we all now know, Vinny came down with a nasty case of pink eye following a night of enthusiastic and apparently friction-filled partying at Karma. However, the untold story lies in Vinny's supposed inability to work his first day at The Corner. According to Vinny, his doctor's appointment at 3:30 prevented him from working a 3-9 shift, despite the fact that he "really wanted to work." He then spent the balance of the morning harassing Sammi Sweetheart and Jolie to cover his shift, which caused a minor rift in the house. Now we are not here to question Vinny's medical condition, but we do submit that his sincerity in wanting to work is highly questionable. Considering that it appeared to take the doctor about 10 seconds to diagnose Vinny's pink eye, let's delve further into some numbers while remaining very generous to Vinny:

• Vinny was probably 20 minutes late to the appointment, because he's Vinny and he was probably talking strategy for later that night with Pauly D.
  
• Doctors are frequently late seeing patients, let alone a last minute scheduling. Also, logistical issues involving an MTV camera crew shooting inside a confidential medical office probably caused some delays. Let's put these total delays while in the office at 45 minutes.
• Despite the elementary diagnosis, let's just pretend Vinny was in there for 15 minutes chatting up the doc about the hottub.
• Pink eye is an infection that requires antibiotics, so Vinny needed to stop at a pharmacy to pick up his prescription. Perhaps there was a line of 10 minutes, and then he had to wait another 15 to get his prescription filled.
  
• Google Maps indicates one opthamologist in Seaside Heights. However, there are more than a dozen in Toms River, which is a maximum 20 minute drive. To be safe, let's say it took Vinny 30 minutes to drive home from the doctor.

Totaling these numbers up, we see that Vinny's pink eye cost him 2 hours and 15 minutes beyond the 3:30 appointment time. This means that at the latest, Vinny returned to the house at 5:45. While we do not know how far The Corner is from the house, we can safely assume it is within a 15 minute trip, putting Vinny there for the hotly debated final 3 hours of his shift without much of a problem. Does this really strike you as a man who "wants the hours?"